Thursday, June 11, 2009

check ME out

So, here's a conversation that I had in a loud basketball stadium, with an unnamed man, named Tim.

Me: So, in august, I'm going to be on the cover of the Australian Unity magazine
Tim: REALLY!! I thought they used models for things like that.
Me: Shut-up
Tim: No, really?? Do you really want to do that??
Me: Why not? That magazine uses real people, not models. In fact, they have mostly used my friend Cate, and all her family.
Tim: Well, is it going to be on sale in newsagents? Like, will everyone see it?
Me: No, it just goes to members.
Tim: Members of....??
Me: Australian Unity, of course
Tim: OH!!!! Australian UNITY!!!! I thought you said Australian NUDITY!



Monday, March 23, 2009

A sideshow of life

So, about a year ago, Basketball Australia asked for volunteers to lend their olympic/paralympic medals to the national sports museum, at the MCG, for a couple of years. I figured that I moved house so often that a museum was probably the safest place for my medal, so there it went.
And here it is...
I'm on the right, in the middle. Pretty, hey.
It was a little scary surrendering it last year. The "courier" was just a guy in an old commodore, and I handed over my medal, wrapped carefully in paper. I waved it goodbye. However, the care I exhibited that day was in stark contrast to the day I got the medal (well, technically the night, after the ceremony).The ribbon of my medal always smelt of beer!
Well, last week, I was in the big smoke for a meeting, so thought I'd go to the museum on my way home.
I was a little excited. I hadn't seen it for ages, and I planned to take heaps of photos.
However, when I found the cabinet, there was a big sign saying "No Photographs". Really, they should have put a sign on there just for me saying, "No waving to the medals like they're in the neonatal intensive care unit". (Doing nothing for the cause).
I spotted a security guard/tour guide nearby, so I tilted my head on the side, screwed up my nose, decreased the bass in my voice, and cajoled him into taking photos with me. He was thrilled that it was my medal, and we talked about the paralympics for ages. We even tried to spot me on the video they have playing in the background. I think I spotted me. I'm not sure, but it was definitely a small woman in a wheelchair. There can't be that many of them at the paralympics!
Then, I thought I should pay my respects to the other sportspeople, and look at the rest of the museum.
I looked around for a bit, then wheeled past "my cabinet" to get to the exit.
My security guard/tour guide/photographer was there with a tour group. As I wheeled by, he stopped the group and pointed at me. Yes, people......I AM A SIDESHOW

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Masking the truth

So, it's been a while, hasn't it? Sorry, I've been sick.
I shan't scare you with the details, but for the last three weeks, I haven't ventured too far from the essential facilities (if you get my drift). Let's just say that if I ever had a "feeling in my waters" about's well and truly gone now!

When I get any sort of sick, my brain has a little holiday. So, this is how sick I was in the last couple of weeks.
I was watching reruns of Blankety-Blank on Foxtel, thinking that it was the funniest thing I'd ever seen. Had I been able to work the computer, I would have emailed channel 0, at nunawading, to suggest that they remake it. Seriously, who needs a double entendre when a single one will do!!

In order to catch up on the month or so of work that I missed, I decided to buy one of them little itty-bitty computers. It's ace. I've taken to calling it my portable facebook device, cos I haven't really done much work. In fact, I'm in a cafe right now! (Well, I have to be. The housekeeper's at my house. I'd feel guilty if I was at home)

However, a particular trait has emerged that I never really knew I had.
I've taken to chatting to my computer. Well, not so much chatting. More muttering.

So, I'm being sneaky.....

Here's a picture for your brain:
- me, sitting in a coffee shop with a flat white as big as my head
- sitting in front of a computer which is as big as a sugar cube
- looking flummoxed
- trying to work out how to shrink the facebook scrabble page
- muttering to the computer
- then trying to cover that up by seamlessly putting those mutterings into a "conversation" with a pretendy skype person. It's amazing how quickly I can go from "why can't see all my letters? How am I supposed to make a word" to "oh yes, that sounds like a fabulous plan. Let's do that"

I thought I was doing so well in covering up my mutterings...until last week.

I was in a cafe at a shopping centre, typing away, muttering (oops, I mean "chatting") to the computer, when a cleaner came over and said...."aren't you a clever little one for working that machine!"

Right, I'm off to change my status

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

A bouquet of syringes

So, this month, I'm supposed to be writing a book chapter. I'm not exactly sure how to do that... so I thought I'd write a blog instead. Martha Steward devoted a whole show to the joy of blogging (I know. I'm embarassed I know that too). She described it as a "good thing". Clearly, Martha isn't my employer!

Have you seen that Lilly Allen videoclip where she's wandering through London and misinterprets everything around her? It's the one where she sees positive things, like flowers and rainbows, but reality is not quite as nice, with things such as syringes and smog. Well, lately I've been seeing flowers when clearly there were syringes.

You see, because I'm short, people don't tend to see me in a crowd. So, logically, if a person is a fair distance away, and waving whilst walking towards their friends... who happen to be standing directly behind me, I have, maybe, on occasion, found myself waving back with some sort of verbal greeting.

And today, I was just uploading a photo of myself to this site, for my profile bit. After much deliberation, I chose a photo taken at a wedding, so I'm a little bit frocked.
I pressed the upload button, and up popped "fetching photo".
"Why thankyou" I said out loud to the computer.
Yeah, nah. The computer was merely fetching the photo....not giving me a complement.

Right, gonna start dodging those syringes now.