Well then. It's been a while. What have you been up to?
Me? Thanks for asking.
I've moved house....again.
Yes, I know. The last house had the bath that was the size of a lagoon , and coffee within 100 metres. So, why would I want to move. Well, I see your facilities, and I raise you one.
The new house is technically part of a resort, so I have a bath that actually IS a lagoon (although, they haven't taken too kindly to my loofah and shower cap, and the management prefer to call it an "outdoor pool").
Also, not only is coffee within 100 metres, now, there is also wine, cocktails, and a lovely assortment of nibblies. I can also create an owner's account, and just receive a monthly bill. (I have resisted this facility however, as I'm pretty sure if I start booking up food and drink to my house, I'll be 09453405734534 kilograms and 324094-574375 dollars in debt by next year).
Now, don't think that I'm talking myself up here. There are downsides to living resort-style.
1. While everyone is partying up, I'm going to work.
2. There are a few couples in their 80's living there until the aged care facility is built nearby. This isn't any downside....until one of the ladies whips your ass in the lap pool.....repeatedly!!!
3. They have started to lock up the towels so nobody can steal them. Now I have to buy my own towels.
5. the aforementioned issue of weight and debt.
6. The biggest downside, Reg-the-circus-dog couldn't come with me. Sad, but he went to a happy home in Perth where he runs amok amongst children. Perfect.
On the upside, Lulu-the-unhelper-dog is no longer cranky at me!!! She's been strutting her stuff like nobody's business.
Right, so that's it from me. What have you been up to? Fancy a drink....just don't book it up to my room.