Sunday, September 16, 2007

Am I 'door impaired' too?

19 Apr 2007

I know. I said i wasn't going to write a blog for a while as I needed to use my powers for good instead of evil. However, i'm stressed to the eyeballs, have been staring at this computer at work since 8.30, and I needed to distract myself from statistics about the time use of here's a blog

"Why not go outside?" I hear you say.

Well, the simple answer is....I think I'm 'door impaired'.

My difficulty with doors all started several years ago when i managed a health care team that went into nursing homes and taught their staff how to deal with difficult behaviours of people with dementia. The staff were not used to seeing a manager in a wheelchair, so on about a weekly basis, I'd get stopped from leaving a facility.

Here's how it goes:
Me: typing in the access code to unlock the front door to leave
Staff: "What are you doing there? How about you go back to your room and wait for lunch to be served"
Me: "mmmm....there'll be no resources for you" (Yes, I am the dementia-nazi)

And, we all know my stories about the disabled toilet doors which are, in fact, disabled. They don't lock so people can't shoot up in there. But, that just means that I get to meet new friends whilst weeing.

Then, last night when i was leaving work, my affliction got worse. It was around 7, and I was late for basketball training (where I was the coach so i couldn't just sneak in). I had my head down, checking my phone for messages, and I forgot to press the security, after hours, magic, open the door button. Needless to say, the double glass doors didn't open...and i was left looking a little like one of those Garfield dolls you stick to your car window. (could have been worse. could have been one of those dolls that moon passers-by when you squeeze the little trigger!)

But people..things go in threes.

I stayed at a posh hotel last night (my coaching fee), and this morning, at 6am, after I hopped on the little shower chair, I closed the shower door, watched it catch on the towel, which then pulled on my wheelchair. Not such a bad thing, but the posh hotel room had an excessively 'disabled-up' disabled room, so the floor was sloping into the middle of the room. The door (my new affliction) hit the wheelchair (from my old affliction) and it rolled just far enough away that i needed to crawl to reach it.....AT 6AM PEOPLE. CRAWLING. WITH NO ALCAMAHOL INVOLVED!!!!!

So, right here, right now, I'm not touching any doors. If you need me, i'll be in the office...perpetually.


Oh. LATE ADDITION....I forgot to write about the story that provoked this whole discussion. This morning, at 8am, my swipe card wouldn't work on the doors to the lecture theatre (i was lecturing, so I kind of needed to get in). I rang security, and they checked my card but said it was working. They concluded that i "was ineffective in my swiping motion". EWWWWWIcky...but further proof that i am indeed 'door impaired'

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