Sunday, September 16, 2007

Living with a German Shotputter

14 Sep 2007

It's Friday night. Today, I've been in a 6 hour workshop on statistical analysis. I then went to the pub....and now, I'll try channel my witty repartee for your enjoyment. Please beware, this one may get a little blue! (said the bishop to the actress. hahahah)

Anyway, let me share with you this morning's conversation on the train platform, before enough coffee was imbibed.
Here's a picture for your brain...
- A woman running towards me, whom I recognise from school.
- "Lisa?", she says.
- "Fiona?", I reply
- "Oh sorry, Fiona"
- "No, my name's Lisa. Aren't you Fiona?
- "No, I'm Michelle. Who's Fiona?"
- "No, there is no Fiona. I remembered your face, but not your name"
- "No, I'm Michelle not Fiona. But don't worry about it. I've had my hair straightened, so you wouldn't remember my name"


I'm sure everyone on that platform was wondering the same question. "Who the heck is Fiona?"

In order to recover from that bit of social interaction, I thought I'd pop the ipod on for the train ride. I'm a bit of a nerd and I download the Health Report from radio national. I like to tune out when the train is so crowded that people are literally sitting on the floor cos all the seats are full.

This morning, the podcast was about female sexuality, specifically the physiology of female orgasms. Useful info. I was paying attention, but not quite taking notes. May have been lost in my own little world....which would account for the next phenomenom.....

The conductor walked over to ask what station I was getting off the train. I was a million miles away, so I was a little startled when he appeared. I took an earphone out to listen to his question. Unfortunately for me, he phrased his question about the ramp quite awkwardly. He said, "which spot would you like the ramp?" To which I replied "G.................................................................................................................... let me think about it"

Subtle, I know. Think I might have got away with it. Except....... my ipod is really new, so I was too flustered to press pause, and just took the earphone out. I flicked it, but it landed on the next passengers shoulder...still playing the information about female ejaculation. I'm pretty sure he heard.....cos he slid further away on his seat!!!

Fortunately the train arrived (oh, that is so Freudian!!!!) and I got to leave my awkward social interactions behind. Next week, I'm gonna wear a disguise....and tell everyone I'm Fiona!

At this point, quite rightly, you may be wondering what a German Shotputter has to do with the blog thusfar. Nothing really.

But here's the next bit.

As you may remember from the last installment, Lulu the unhelper dog has been put on Hormone Replacement Therapy. Let's state a few points here.
1. She is a lady dog
2. She has been put on lady hormones
3. She was already shaped like a German Shotputter, so it's hard to see any differences, but I suspect she would now be suspended from any Olympic or Paralympic competition
4. She was already quite hairy, so, as above
5. However....... we now know that dog HRT turns a placid, (read lazy) lady dog into a fat, hairy humping machine.

Yes people, maybe Lulu the unhelper dog has been listening to the same podcasts as me!


N.B. In case you were wondering, I am not claiming any similarities beyond choice of podcasts. Never, ever refer to me as a "fat, hairy humping machine"!! (although, I think I know a few)

No comments: