Sunday, September 16, 2007

Food-based injuries

22 Jun 2007

So, it's winter in Geelong. Cold, sometimes raining, and the dog and I have been hibernating. But right now, I'm staring at 132 exams that need marking, and am willing myself to wander down the road to fuel up with coffee.

I am blessed (well, this is why I chose the house) to live within 200 metres of a great coffee strip, but that 200 metres is a long way in the rain. Wheelchairs are made of metal, and metal is chilly!!!

We've started calling our local coffee shop "cheers" cos just about everyone I know wanders in at some stage. On Sunday morning, I saw a woman that was there the day before, and pointed her out to Nat, saying, "she mustn't have a life cos she's here all the time". At which point, Nat replied, "and exactly how do you know that". Touche

Let's face it. I'm going to have to dedicate my doctoral thesis to the great wonder, Gloria Jean (an Australian Strarbucks, if you will). Most of my work has been written there. I must remember to submit the copy without coffee stains!

"But, why do you go elsewhere for coffee when you have a perfectly good percolator and posh coffee grounds from Margaret River in your own home?" I hear you say.

Well, the answer is........

.....I have recently been afflicted with some food-based injuries.

You see, last week, I decided to make risotto. I made it just like they did on the telly.....wearing a funky apron, and holding a glass of wine. But, clearly there was one big difference between me and the "celebrity" chef. The chef is tall enough to see in the pot!

The thing with risotto is, you have to add the liquid slowly so it doesn't burn out (a lot like me at a beerfest!). But, that also means, you have to be able to see when to add the next bit. Yeah. Didn't think that recipe through, did I.

I started by lifting the pot off the stove to check. However, 3 years ago, I injured my elbow playing basketball. A bit of surgery, and some physio and I'm usually good, except I can't play ball anymore.....nor can I lift a pot off the stove, evidently. Yes, I managed to reinjure my elbow whilst cooking. Lucky me.

I was in pain, tipsy from half a glass of wine (and the fumes coming out of the risotto), and a bit hungry, and I still wanted risotto. Yes, I could have poured all the liquid in and called it a pilaf. BUT NO. THAT WOULD BE QUITTING!! So, I moved the dish-rack, and casually hopped up on the sink, next to the stove.

Here's a picture for your was a dark and stormy night. I hadn't closed the front curtains, so here's what passers-by could see looking in from the street.....
- a tiny chick wearing a funky apron
- perching precariously on the sink
- amongst the dirty dishes
- talking to herself (well, the dog, but you couldn't see that from the street)
- drinking from a wine glass that was bigger than her head
- periodically eating from a saucepan!!!

Yep, once again, nothing for the cause!

And then, last night, I thought I'd whip up a lasagna cos my family were coming over for dinner. All good. No problem. Just like they do on telly.....wearing a funky apron, with a glass of wine in my hand. Smooth as.....

....until it was time to get the lasagna out of the oven. I really should have remembered the principles of physics here. If one object weighs more than the other, and a force is applied in the middle, the lighter object will move towards the heavier one....And, as I was about to headbutt the oven door, I cut my losses, let go of the lasagna, and waited for someone else to arrive!

So now, I'm too scared to make my own coffee. I suspect I'd percolate my eyebrows off!

ps. anyone wanna come round for dinner?

No comments: