Sunday, September 16, 2007

Reptilian yum cha, glitter and dental floss

12 May 2007

So, I'm off to Darwin tomorrow, and I thought I'd write you one potentially-final blog, just in case.

Just in case what, you say?

Just in case I'm accidentally sitting by a billabong (not really sure what they look like, so likely to be accidentally by one at some stage), and a nasty crocodile spies what he thinks is a tasty wonton and strikes.
Yes, I'm only one reptilian yum cha away from a death roll!!

Hence, the "final" blog. See what I do for you people.

As you can imagine, my topic today isn't really defined. I just wanted to tell you all the things that I think are useful...just in case. So here goes:

Yesterday, I wanted to send a "glitter-infested" message to a friend's myspace page, so I went to one of them there pimpin' sites. I didn't exactly find what I wanted, but I did find something quite interesting. This particular site had 11 pages of glitter that hurts your eyes, and they essentially went by topic order (even though they were in "most grabbed" order).

1. I'm single and hot,
2. Bet you want me, everyone else does, so drop your women and be with me
3. I only ever want to be with you, you are my soulmate
4. Treat me better and don't make me show you "bitch" again
5. Right, that's it
6. I hate you, and I have bigger boobs than your new girl
7. You better get a restraining order!

Oh, I laughed.

I thought it was quite cruel though. All of those who have been done wrong (5) have to trawl through the messages meant for the ones who did the other half of the wrong (2)! That's a bit wrong...

Now, I seem to have forgotten the next topic.

Oh well, let's talk about hair removal.

Because Darwin has very hot weather, I thought I'd take skirts to wear, so today, I needed to epilady my legs. Did you feel the earth warming at about 11am, cos a whole lot of deforestation happened at my house this morning!

If you've never seen an epilady, basically it's a medieval torture device where lots of little tweezers spin around, RIPPING out hair by the roots. The first time I used it on the front of my leg,I thought everyone was wingeing cos it hardly hurt at all. Then, I used it on a part of my leg with an intact nervous supply...Mmmm...I stand corrected.

Today, after a couple of minutes, lulu, the unhelper dog, responded to my screams and ran into the room to see what I was doing. There may be a patch of hair missing from her leg also.
Seriously, HOURS it took me. HOURS.

Maybe this is why fewer women than men win the Nobel prize. We just don't have time to go to work! Do you think Kerry-ann Kennely, or Condoleza Rice have to cancel meetings cos they're busy ripping hair out, just in case they wear a skirt tomorrow? (Yes, I DID just mention them in the same sentence. Hahah)And maybe that's why Mother Theresa was so prolific in her charity work...she had more spare time than the rest of us.

Look, I'm not begrudging you this task. Lord knows I quite enjoy having two distinct eyebrows. But, truly. I don't think you all realise how much effort I go to!!

Oh well. Tomorrow, if a crocodile does choose to dine on "Tasty filling in a Leeess coating" at least he'll have to provide his own dental floss! (I may or may not be lying here...I may or may not have run out of time!)


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